kissmeonthesidewalk

folkloregirlfriend:

(via cages-boxes-hunters-foxes)

emmikay:

penny-anna:

i think the reason why the assassination of Julius Caesar is one of the funniest political assassinations is for this very simple reason:

1 guy stabs 1 guy: not funny. that’s murder.

2 guys stab 1 guy: even less funny. that’s two against one.

60 guys stab 1 guy: uproariously funny. why do you need so many guys.

60 guys only manage to stab the 1 guy 23 times: I can’t fucking breathe I’m laughing too hard, you suck at this

(via captain-mayabishop)

r0zeclawz:

r0zeclawz:

sick post i just found online. sorry i couldnt find the source

if this gets more notes than the memedaddy repost it would be really funny actually

(via romanceyourdemons)

myrinthinks:

dragon-in-a-fez:

dragon-in-a-fez:

why does my mother suddenly fail kindergarten whenever she tries to do anything on the computer

I know she doesn’t know what “the maximise button” is so I told her “click the square at the top right” and she clicked…the printer icon…in the middle of the toolbar. and I’m just like okay. this isn’t a technology thing you are flunking basic shapes and directions. I’m turning off your computer and getting you a block puzzle. you have a master’s degree

(via mypunchbag)

should-be-sleeping:

should-be-sleeping:

I keep fish and sometimes breed them (free fish hack). At the moment I have some beautiful fellows that are getting up there in age, so it’s time to create more.

I separate all of my fish by their gendies as soon as you can possibly tell them apart to keep the population of my tanks where I want it, and to prevent inbreeding (and all of the complications that stem from that). These lads have effectively never seen a girl.

When I added the female to continue their legacy, they didn’t know what to do. So they did what any respectable man might do in that confusing situation: ignored her and continued having sex with each other.

So preoccupied with one another are they that I’m honestly not sure if they will ever include her in any way that matters. Their bloodline ends with gay sex, and tbh, I kinda love that for them.

The g in lgbtq stands for guppy. 🌈

As if to mock me directly, they are now going out of their way to have sex in front of her while she just floats there like

(via thisfireflyandaphoenix)

Anonymous asked:

...are you ok

anna-scribbles:

cant a girl be visibly distressed in peace

the-haiku-bot:

iftye:

fuck it if i can’t have him! i might just die! it would make no difference!

fuck it if i can’t

have him! i might just die! it

would make no difference!

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

(via aaronexplainsitall)

theredtours:

piedude:

wonderfuck:

Yes! This is exactly what I was referring to in the tags!

holidaypeppermintcandy:

LMAOOOOO

(via dreamaboutwhathappens)

crow–teeth:

crow–teeth:

my friend who is training to be a 911 operator just told me that they are having to restrain themself whenever responding to training calls from saying “that’s illegal people can’t do that” and I find that so fucking funny

For context

(via thisfireflyandaphoenix)